OK! Let me first say that I’m smarter than this, I have a good head on my shoulders..or I thought I did!! ugh….So why in the hell am I staying in this joke of a “relationship” ?WHY?
I will tell you why..it’s because I feel bad..I feel guilty! and its nobodys fault but my own.
I was talking with one of the ladies in my class, who is about 50 plus so she has some miles under her belt, anyhoo. We were talking about Con Man, of course because she asked if I was seeing anyone. .. I don’t bring him up because then people ask questions..and I don’t like to answer them…god that sounds horrible…that should be a sign in itself. Back to the main point. She told me that at my age she had a boyfriend who had been out of prison for a short time before they met, and that she had the same issue’s with him as I’m experiencing now..and she told me to get out NOW! Not because he is a bad person, but because he is bad for me we are not at the same point in our lives. It makes sense on many levels..I’m 28..and although Con-Man is several years older than me, it’s like when he went into the clink he was frozen at that age and in numbers is older..but in real life he has not really grown..sometimes I feel he is younger than I’m.
I know, I know..if you know me and are reading this you want to come over here and slap some sense into me.. I beg of you! don’t fight the urge!!
For the most part my life right now is good..school is good, work is..well I have a job so I guess work is good, and..well my family is always a damn tornado and I’m beginning to accept that lol. But I’m not the person I know I’m when I’m with him..I’m not happy!
Any little thing he does grates on my nerves, he gropes me WAAAAY too much, he mopes when I’m f**king exhausted and don’t feel like having sex (not sure if that’s normal) and when did it become alright to answer a question with a suckle to the neck?!
here it is the moment of truth..I have to COMPLETELY END IT~!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’am sooooo tired..really physically exhausted I cannot be spreading myself so thin that I have nothing left for myself!! I haven’t worked out since NOVEMBER!!
“…you take it all until it’s not enough…you’ll be the DEATH OF ME!” – Red
